Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Pope Resume.

Pope Resume.
Sarah Bertrand

To be the first female, openly tattooed Pope of the world.

January 2004- April 2005 Seneca College: Graduated with Honors

- grew up Roman Catholic; spent years going to church every Easter and Christmas (was allowed to play with Gameboy so I wouldn't fuss)
- assumes I'd be an effective sheep herder
- has performed miracles; once polished off an entire 26er, and still went into work the next morning (subjective to what's actually viewed as a "miracle")
- made all sacraments; adopted the moniker "Teresa" when I was confirmed, and became a young lady with God 
- familiar with Word Perfect, and Spreadsheet programs
- participated in several Speech Arts programs in elementary school
- was Santa Claus in the grade seven installment of, Santa Claus Goes On A Diet (they have the same birthday)
- has a rosary

- Aunt was a nun
- moderate amount of skeletons in my closet; enough to warrant good reading, but not enough to create a scandal
- appreciates fine carpentry
- humble, chaste, practices moderation
- doesn't believe in birth control, or science
- craves structure
- loves carbs and sandals
- read every book in the Da Vinci series
- great at riddles
- would look great as an action figure
- needs positive feedback to function
- not judgmental, loves all equally, unless fits my agenda
- conservative, meek
- photogenic
- has a head for flamboyant hats
- has already written seven sermons
- pious
- enjoys consuming the body of Christ in communion, but would be more tasty with a dill dip
- thought about getting a Latin tattoo once
- loves being escorted to social events
- rarely uses the Lord's name in vain
- looks fabulous in linen
- partial to wine

References Available Upon Request