Sunday, June 23, 2013

Queer Qraft Fair at Glad Day Bookshop.

So today was the Queer Qraft Fair at Glad Day, and it was so much fun! I met a lot of cool people who had really interesting art. I got to steal half of the table cloth of a great artist,

Bought some neat treasures including a duct tape bowtie, met a tiny new friend, who had such a fantastic attitude and drew me a couple of pictures, as well as bought a pair of sunglasses and made me sign them (adorable, thanks Antonyia!), 

And sold quite a few books! Thanks for all who came out, and thanks for a great day Glad Day. :) 

Sarah B

Monday, June 17, 2013

Inapark Sings and Dances!

Hey friends!

Man June has been nuts. How has your June been so far? The Inapark Musical, "Inapark; In A Park" (right?) is shaping up to be pretty rad. Just solidifying songs, and organizing everything so all that's left for Pride weekend is to have fun! So grateful for my friends and family who helped me to get a booth, and my supporters who are helping me with all of these projects. I'm a very lucky gal.

SOLIDIFIED DATE AND TIME: Inapark Musical, Sunday June 30th and 3:25pm at the stage at Church and Wellesley.

Soooo, I went a lil crazy in Dollarama today. Paul and I decided that since we're going to inevitably not have anywhere near the funding most of the other booth's will, that we're gonna make it the best damn lemonade stand lookin', homemade Pride booth in the world. With glitter!

Sweet dreams, Inaparkers.

Sarah B

Monday, June 10, 2013

Productivity Update.

Hey Inaparkers,

How was your day? Thank you for your patience, and for checking in. I just wanted to let you know what we've been up to. This month, with Toronto Pride at the end, has been insane. I've bitten off way more than I can chew, but I'm really trying to stick to my new self promise about not saying no to anything.

Here's what's been going on. My brother Paul and I have a booth for Pride! All weekend, from the 28th to the 30th. Thank you SO MUCH everyone for every type of support you've given me, to help this happen. Can't wait to see your pretty faces! This has taken up a ton of planning and organizing. I've taken on a lot of tasks, and have been writing up a storm in all my free time, and I can't wait for you to see the results. Sunday, June 30th at 4pm on the Pride Stage at Church and Wellesley, will be a production of the very first Inapark Musical! Inapark In A Park! (working title) Brian Strachan and myself are putting together a rad showcase of such talent, in an infomercial type set up to showcase the best letters from my first book. I am so excited for this; it will be so ridiculous, and fun. Mark your calendars! I've been steady at work on my third book, about pet store retail, and am involved in the beginning of a new project with my Second City buddy Chris Hill! We are putting together a 15 minute adult animated comedy essentially based on this book. It's going to be hilarious, and I'm super excited to collaborate on something with Chris, who is so talented it doesn't make sense. *exhales*...

... *INHALES* And lastly, Sunday June 23rd I will have a table with Glad Day Bookshop for a Pride marketplace, showcasing Toronto talent! More details to come with this. Thank you so much for being patient for June... I promise I'm working hard, even if I'm not posting things just yet. I want it to be perfect.

Sweet dreams to you.

Sarah B

Monday, June 3, 2013

Re-Tails: Tales in Retail. There Is Such A Thing As A Stupid Question.

June has already proven to be such a busy month. Pride planning, writing Re-Tails, goin’ a little nuts. But, although it’s not polished, I thought I’d give you guys a little something to read and hopefully giggle at tonight. I’m trying real hard to stick to Monday posts. Hope everyone had an awesome weekend, and I’ll be posting more throughout the week.

I've been in the process of writing a book on my retail experience, specifically working at the pet store, for the last three years. I have a lot of material, and in the process of putting it all together, I've compiled a list I thought I would share. I promise you this list has not been exaggerated. There is such thing as a stupid question, folks. And spoiler alert; we don't sell any of these things.

- cigarettes
- lottery tickets
- panicked mall patrons frantically searching out a communal bathroom
- hippopotamuses
- capybaras
- seagulls
- pigeons
- squirrels
- chipmunks
- bats
- phone cards
- scotch tape
- human clothing
- eagles
- animal traps
- taxidermy information
- tampons
- snake poop, to get rid of mice
- seahorses
- Meer cats
- hawks
- falcons
- ground hogs
- cabbits
- komodo dragons
- pigs
- rattlesnakes
- pit bulls (THEY ARE ILLEGAL.)
- wolf mixes
- ants
- porcupines
- "real" sharks
- baby owls
- monkeys
- cobras
- dolphins

- “Is that chinchilla a squirrel?”
- “Are those kittens overheated? Their eyes are closed.” “They're sleeping.”
- “Have you ever heard... of a kitten... being born on a Wednesday night?? I Googled it. It happened to me.”
- “Can I use my PetSmart card?? Why not!” Literally makes no sense. Like if I put up a stink if The Gap wouldn’t accept my No Frills card.
- One time, a customer asks at cash if there was any birds around. I pointed to the Canary’s cage that was sitting next to me. She shrieked, and asked if I was  going to take it out of the cage.
- “Are those dogs 69ing?”
- “Do you have Igloos or space heaters? They’re for different animals.” Obviously!  A penguin or a giant panda??
- "I have crabs. Where's the food?"  You're going to really want to watch your wording, and specify that they're hermit crabs.
- "Do animals bite?" "Anything with teeth are capable." "Oh great, so you sell feral animals??"
- “Are those rabbits/ cats/ dogs?”
-Looking at cat food in a dish. “Is that chocolate?? It looks like chocolate!”
- “Are all dogs one species? Like, dogs are boys, and cats are girls?”
- “Hey, those treats; are they for dogs or people?”
- People simply cannot accept that there are logical explanations for things. “Why do cats sleep at the same tim? Did you drug them?” “Why won't birds fly away when you open their cage?” There is obviously an invisible electric force field. “What happens to animals that don't get sold?” Animals always get sold. Always. They drop the price until they get sold. In ten years, there has not been one animal that has not been sold. I hate you.
- Customer purchasing a Black Nasty fish. "Are these fish mean?" "Well, the name implies aggression.” “Ya, but are they nice?” They will destroy all of your other fish. They’re literally called Black Nastys.
- One day, a customer with a hearing issue came in because her dog needed shampoo for dry skin. She was told she needed something with oatmeal, and then was livid when she looked through the shampoo aisle for half an hour, and couldn’t find anything with Opium in it.
- "How much is a small dog? I know you don't sell them, but how much are they?" How. Get out.
- Three years later, after not selling dogs. "Where are the dogs? Wow, the last time I was here must have been three years ago." No, you are there every week. I always see you and cringe!
- Forgetting your points card, and blaming us. "Oh wait! Did it go through?! Have I lost my points??" No, you haven't lost anything on a $1.70 purchase. I would rather die than do a refund for that.
- "I need scissors to open this package of scissors!" I don't care how you open it. Naw at it like a rabid badger if you're so inclined.
- "Why is my hamster not eating anything? I didn’t get that food you suggested, but I’ve been feeding it Chinese food all week. He doesn’t eat like us?”
- "Do you have any primates? We're all primates. heh heh" You’re tricky, Sir. Get out.
- On fat cats: “Hey, is that cat pregnant?!”
- "Something's wrong with my cat. Fur everywhere. On my couch, on my clothes."
- "What's wrong with that cat's eyes? Why are they closed?"
- " You don’t have puppies anymore? No puppies? Ever? None? No more?"
- “Hey, why are your animals all asleep? Did you use tranqs?” Don't trust people who use slang for something like that.
- "How much are you?"
- "What's the difference between a bunny and a rabbit?"
- "Can I order a bunny or a falcon? How do I get in touch with a black market?"
- On skinny pigs: "Do you shave and charge more?"
- "Don't you think it's inhumane to spay or neuter?" I think I hate this question the most. How do they know?? How is it inhumane??
- "Is the dog in the window a show model? Do you have a catalogue?"
- "Are these indoor cats?"
- "How much are they in animal years?"
- "Need a toy for my cat to stray away from the roaches?"
- “Why do fish have to live in water?”
-“Do you guys sell pest control? I mean I know you sell rats/mice but do you also sell traps/poison?”
- “Do you guys sell flea shampoo for humans?”
- “Is that dog having a seizure?!! Dogs don’t twitch in their sleep! Only humans do that!”

Terrible Jokes:
-      “Hey! Guinea pigs! Like G Force! Ever seen it?!”
-      “Is this bag free? You can’t charge anymore!”, and then laughing hysterically like they just made an incredible joke.
-      “Rabbit stew/ lucky rabbit feet!”

-      “Hey, know what happens if you cross a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu?!” It’s a Bull Shih. Idiot.