Dear Rogers,
My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 29 year old aspiring
director, who enjoys recycling, drinking fancy tea, and made for tv movies.
I am writing you today with a pitch for what I know will
turn out to be the television event of Autumn, or Fall, depending on when it's
released. Due to mediocre success and wild acclaim of this year's seductive
thriller, Magic Mike, I decided to create my own adaptation of a more
attainable group of male entertainers. I'd like to introduce you to, Sleight of
Hand Stan.
Allow me to set the scene. I would play the part of Stanley,
the androgynous, semi- charming, twenty- something club promoter, with a saucy
mouth.
Stan:
"Ladies! Welcome to the strip club location! Get ready
for a night of steamy charades, and appealing men! Here comes Mr. Indecent!
Applause as Mr. Indecent saunters onto the stage, and begins his dance of seduction.
Look at that swagger gals… you can just tell that his intentions are primarily
indecent. Mr. Indecent!”
Another
male enters stage right. He is effeminate, and has a tiny moustache. He is wearing an ascot.
"Uh oh, get out your umbrellas, because I have a
feeling someone's going to make it rain momentarily… Shiraz!
Stanley (myself) will wink at one or two
lucky ladies.
He loves to spoil himself, and have a glass of red in the
bathtub...ain't nothin' wrong with that! Shiraz."
Mr. Indecent and Shiraz exit stage. A visibly drunk,
dishevelled older man comes storming onto the stage like a bat out of hell.
"Awkward Adam... watch out! Someone get him some water and a gravollllllll…
girls he'll get the job done, but it'll be weeeeeird... Adam, you owe me twenty
bucks. Awkward Adam!"
Stan chuckles, to show
the crowd he(she) is silly but still polished. Adam does not really owe Stan
money. A businessman comes ambling onto the stage. He is handsome, and professional.
"Uh oh, here comes Mitt! Is it short for Mittens?
Maybe. He is very flirtacious, and one thing's for sure: Mitt is a ladies man. He literally
has binders full of women... Mitt. Mitt."
Mitt stands in the
middle of the stage, holding a briefcase infront of his private area, and
thrusts at the crowd. While this is happening, every woman's dreamboat comes waltzing onto the stage with a hammer, and an unreasonably large piece of wood. It's almost uncomfortable how large it is.
"Jeremiaaaaaaaah... who wants to get nailed?? Jeremiah is a carpenter. I have an end table in my living room; his furniture is very
well put together, and reasonably priced. There are flyers at the door ladies... Jeremiahhhh!"
Well Rogers, I hope you've enjoyed meeting myself, as well as the cast of Sleight of Hand Stan. I know this will be a hit. I can only assume you have been dazzled by the thin, inadequate plot so far, and that I will be hearing from you at your earliest convenience to flesh out the rest. Sweet dreams Rogers, and thank you for your attention.
Sincerely,
Sarah Bertrand
