Saturday, February 28, 2009

My letter to Glade

Dear Glade,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 25 year old origami enthusiast who enjoys temporarily masking pesky odours, damaging expensive fabrics in my house by spraying them with artificial scents, and Middle Eastern dancing.

I have been an avid supporter of Glade products for years, but I now feel compelled to write you a letter of disdain, because you have crossed the line. My patience line.

I will explain.

I find your recent slew of Glade advertisements confusing and obnoxious. Your protagonist, a woman obsessed with Glade products, is seemingly in a constant quest to evade her closest friends and family from the truth; that she uses your products. Don't you think that's ironically unflattering? She deceivs her yoga group, claims her candles come from the exotic land of France, and last but certainly not least, she uses the air freshener to boast that she's been hard at work all day when meanwhile it just SMELLS like she has been! She's been lax in her responsibilities at home, but hey, it smells like "clean" and "baking", so someone give her the validation she so desperately craves!

Something smells in this situation Glade, and it's not your reasonably priced handiwork. This unstable, compulsive liar is insinuating that your product is inferior to more exotic or expensive products, and that if we decide to purchase your merchandise we should feel a sense of shame and try and cover it up. I'll bet she's getting paid pretty penny to do it! Hell, employ me! I'll bash you on air, if that's the angle that you've decided will be most lucrative. Furthermore, she has virtually no consequences to her actions, other than an uncomfortable humiliating roll of the eyes of her friends/ family that implies, "Oh you! This is why no one trusts you and you'll die alone! har har har!"

You have sucked society into your web of "Glies". That word is "Glade", mixed with "lies". So tell me Glade: where does this story go from here? Does the woman, we'll call her "Barbara" (she looks like one), go to counselling and get help for her insecurity issues? Do her friends stick by her? Does she discover new scents, and what story does she concoct to explain to the Avon lady when she steps into her home and inquires what that intoxicating allure is? How large does this web get, Glade?

I think you should sincerely re-think this campaign, Glade. Barbara is only hindering your success. I really think your company has something with these "candles" and "plug ins" you're peddling. I truly think that one day, your company will take off and become fairly popular. I have a knack for predicting these things. Don't worry Glade, your day will come.

Sarah Bertrand
***RESPONSE: March 2, 2009***

Subject: Re: Your Inquiry About an SC Johnson Air Care product #014240329A
Received: Monday, March 2, 2009, 1:01 PM

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your email. We value your comments and are sharing them with the
people responsible for our advertising.

Best regards,


Consumer Relationship Centre
SC Johnson
Toll free number: 1-800-558-5566

Reference Number: 014240329A

***RESPONSE: March 2, 2009***

Re: Your Inquiry About an SC Johnson Air Care product #014240329A
Monday, March 2, 2009 4:02 PM
From: "Sarah Bertrand" View contact details To:

Dear Carolyn (or is it Barbara??),

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 25 year old husky hip hop video dancer who enjoys silly buttons, giggling, and bedazzling tiny capes for my lizard. I was just rouging my face when I heard my computer scream out, "You've got mail!" (you know, like in that movie... Titanic), and I was delighted to see that it was from you.

I trust that you will do everything in your power to see that this woman is disciplined, and acquires a better attitude and rediscovers her dignity, Barbara.

Sweet dreams,
Sarah Bertrand

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