Dear Ebay,
My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 29 year old online shopping enthusiast who enjoys rare comic books, robots, and oddities. I have been alluding you for years, and I think it's finally time we talk. I think you really need to ease up on the demographic of fickle consumers who refuse to think before they act; ie. myself, Sarah Bertrand. I believe that you have a sensational website, with a great concept; neat nick nacks easily available within seconds. Sometimes the excitement is so much, I literally add 30 things to my cart, while holding my breath, so I don't lose out on anything. You can't fault me for that. There are so many shiny, special things to look at, that it's almost impossible to be reasonable while perusing through all of your treasures.
I have recently been informed that I am "not allowed" to "buy" presents for "myself", "anymore". This is apparently due to the fact that the other day, I committed to buy 13 comic books and two busts. That's 15 things, Ebay! Obviously I had no intention of buying 15 things. How dare you try and pressure me into following through on something that I promised! You have made your point, and I "understand" the lesson you are forcing upon me. I get it, Ebay. So, since I hate going to bed angry, I'm sorry for my irresponsible trickery, and I can assure you that it won't happen again. But I do need to add some staples to my collection, that you possess, so please save me the hassle of creating another new email address, and a new identity, and just erase those ugly red flags from my account. Thank you very much for your time, and I look forward to your apology.
Sincerely,
Sarah B
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