Sunday, March 17, 2013

Survivorman Resume.

Dear Les Stroud,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a huge fan of Survivorman, as well as yourself. If the temperature and conditions are just right, I love being outside. Please accept my formal application to be your disciple in thrill seeking. There is literally nothing I wouldn't do, as long as we have a safety net and hand sanitizer. The ratings would be through the roof. I hope you will consider me as an ally option, and I hope you have a wonderful night.

To be publicly acknowledged as a Survivorman, and to be your protege on adventures.

January 2004- April 2005 Seneca College: Graduated with Honors

- has seven swimming badges
- has seen Homeward Bound, and 127 Hours
- used to frequent family trailer on weekends
- has khaki shorts, and several Swiss Army knives (only used as show pieces)
- recently learned it's Mantracker, not Manhunter; that's a very different type of show (internet based)
- has built a snow fort
- once climbed a tree, got stuck in it and cried; was in the front yard of the trailer I mentioned earlier
- has walked two dogs
- saw a bear once; silently screamed, retreated to sleeping bag, and took off glasses

- not adverse to using pills to cope with allergies, although I would prefer to avoid ragweed and pollen altogether
- loves s'mores
- got poison ivy once; now immune
- comfortable going days without bathing
- rugged
- can't make a fire, but can make ice
- can ration food, but not alcohol
- lesbian
- has long johns
- Danger is legal middle name
- enjoys nuts, mostly in tea
- not easily winded, unless walking uphill or have just eaten
- willing to scream for help until I pass out
- can't climb a rope; don't ask me to
- mediocre at differentiating poison berries

References available upon request.

No comments: