Saturday, November 22, 2008

My letter of suggestion to Kraft Canada

Dear Kraft Canada Inc,

First off, thank you for macaroni, and those individual cheese slices. They make the best grilled cheeses.

Last night, when I came stumbling home in a drunken rage, all I wanted was food that would erode my belly, but leave me feeling fulfilled. Unfortunately, I had drank my money away, and was left with an empty pocket, an empty tummy, and an empty heart. As I scratched at the front door like an unspayed cat for my roommate to let me in because I had inevitably lost my keys, I was craving something greasy and unhealthy, but something that was low on calories and wouldn't leave me feeling like a beached whale the next morning. Once let in, I tore open the cupboard door, and sloppily pawed at the only thing I could find; Kraft's Oreo "Thinsations". Now, they were delicious, but not what I was craving.

As I was munching away at my sixth bag of the 100 calories treats, I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if Kraft revolutionized the world of treats and catered to her irresponsible alcoholic demographic? Wouldn't it be amazing if Kraft could raise the calories involved in the snacky equation to maybe 200, made the packages heat resistant and stuffed them with ramen noodles, pizza slices, nachos and cheese, battered chicken wings, fries, or a hamburger punched in the face with McDonald's spices?" I actually said all this outloud, to my cat. Don't judge me; I said I was drunk.In a world today where everyone is attempting to be more health conscious, and trying to lose weight with magic pills or bouts of depression, I implore you Kraft; why not rise to the occasion, and create a delicious treat that allows us who have guffawed in the face of sobriety to just pass out in the hallway with a happy tummy and a smile plastered on our drool soaked faces? I know you're all probably excited to get this new endeavour started, so I'll end this letter with a little hospitality, and a tip of my hat. I don't expect any retribution for planting the seed of your future best seller; all I demand is for the "Drunksations" to be displayed in a fancy and whimsical package, with my face proudly displayed on the front. I'll take some pictures tonight and send them to you so you can choose which ones you feel will be most appropriate.

I thank you for your time, and look forward to hearing from you immediately. I'll expect the first prototype in the mail within the week.


Sarah Bertrand

***REPLY: November 16/2008***
RE: Your Comment/Question Case ID: 18350424

Sunday, November 16, 2008 3:41 PM
From: ""
To: ""

Thank you for visiting
Thanks so much for taking the time to contact us with your suggestion. We're always delighted when people care enough about our products and packaging to offer their own creative ideas.As you might know, we have a new "unsolicited ideas" policy that allows Kraft to consider some types of ideas (mainly for new products and packaging innovations) submitted by consumers. However, our policy does not cover unsolicited ideas regarding: product line extensions, packaging changes, advertising, promotions and recipes ideas.So, those types of ideas are not sent along to our new "Innovations Team," who is responsible for analyzing unsolicited ideas under our new policy.But, we do want you to know that comments shared by our consumers can be very helpful to Kraft. Various Kraft teams do review comments such as yours, which help us identify consumer trends, preferences and needs.Again, we appreciate you contacting us and applaud both your creativity and loyalty.
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Kim McMillerAssociate Director, Consumer Relations

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