Sunday, November 23, 2008

My letter to Wrigley's

Dear Wrigley's,

Your product has left me feeling helpless and confused, and I now have a terrible taste in my mouth; even worse than the taste of expired coconut yogurt and mediocrity that was previously plaguing my tastebuds.
I was working away at my desk this afternoon, and after drinking eleven cups of decadent German Chocolate Cake flavoured coffee, I realized that my mouth could use a fresh burst of berry bliss, and fast. So I sauntered down to the local convenience store, sought out a name I trusted, and purchased Wrigley's, Five "Elixir: Mouthwatering Berry" gum, and rabidly shoved four pieces into my mouth as quickly as possible. As I chomped on what I can only describe as what I believe Heaven would taste like, a harsh dose of reality snapped me out of my berry trance.
Wrigley's, riddle me this: Is your gum brand labelled as "Five", because the flavour literally lasts five seconds in your mouth? Like there's an inevitable tiny timer strapped to the underside of each individual piece of glucosified deliciousness, and the second you actually get into the flavour, it's immediately kidnapped from you like tragic episode of "Without A Trace"? Only there is no happy ending, Wrigley's. No one finds the flavour at the end; it's lost. Like the punchline of every joke Bob Saget ever made as Danny Tanner on the hit tv show, "Full House".
I demand retribution. I'd like a pack of your finest gum, one with a minty flavour that will not let me down. I'd also like back my five dollars please. I know that the pack of gum did not cost five dollars, but I'm so upset I can't even remember how much I paid for it. So five dollars will do.
I thank you so much for your time, and look forward to an immediate response. You can forward all retribution to:


Sarah Bertrand
***REPLY: November 24/2oo8***
In Response to your Website Comments - Ref # 000452855A
Monday, November 24, 2008 9:00 AM
From: "" Add sender to Contacts
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for letting us know how you feel about 5® Elixir gum. We're happy to hear from you and truly value your feedback. Input from customers like you helps us to constantly make improvements and ensure that we are always providing you with top-quality products.We introduced 5® Elixir gum to provide our customers with a fresh, new flavor for the brand they love. We're very sorry that you didn't like this flavor, but we greatly appreciate you taking the time to try it and sharing your thoughts with us. We'll be sharing your feedback with our researchers, who are constantly working on new flavors to add to our product lineup. We hope you'll keep an eye out for our new products, try them when they come out and let us know what you think. Thank you again for reaching out to us and we hope you'll continue to enjoy Wrigley products in the future.
Tom BradyConsumer Affairs Representative

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