Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My letter to Value Village

Dear Value Village,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am an avid shopper at your esteemed establishment. However, as a busy mother of three with no time to spare, I have a couple of suggestions as to how I think you could better and add more "value" (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) and ease to the Value Village experience. First of all, I think all of your merchandise needs to be organized according to it's obvious category. When I go shopping, I have three things in mind. First thing, how can I get more things, for less money? I think the solution is obvious. Stealing. Just kidding. Create a bargain bin of free things, so everyone can rummage through with the masses, like territorial rabid raccoons and confiscate what they will. This allows for the public to feel like they really came away with something special that day; free items that they can really be excited about, as well as a street fighting mentality they can carry with them throughout their day, and use to their advantage if any trials or tribulations arise. Secondly, categorize all of your merchandise in a way that will appeal to the thrifty public, such as myself, and my husband Kevin Tramov. When we go "value villaging", as we call it, we have a specific agenda in mind: we need "art", religious artifax, toys from our childhood, and treasures. I strongly believe you should organize the store in this very specific way: Treasure, Religious Hilarity, Haunted Memorabilia (such as creepy paintings, or weird things that have no use or real value and you know they come from a broken home where something horrible happened, and they carry a curse.. gimme gimme!!), Nostalgia, Questionable Clothing, Bonnets and Other Unsanitary Head Apparatuses, Definately Broken Electronics, Soiled Items, and last but not least, Useless Crap: Don't Bother. Lastly, sometimes I can spend a whole day in your wonderful store, and I get famished. Why not keep with the trend of the store, and have a secondhand food station? How many times do you get a doggy bag at a restaurant that you know you're not going to eat, and you end up wasting it? Cook a decadent dinner that no one appreciates and you have left overs?? Why not drop it off to the local Value Village! Charge a dollar fifty for delicious reminents of a four course meal! I hope you have found these suggestions not only helpful, but necessary. I look forward to visiting your store again sometime soon, and see these new changes immediately in place.

Sarah Bertrand

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