Saturday, November 22, 2008
My letter to The Royal Ontario Museum
Dear Royal Ontario Museum,
My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I'm a fragile yet determined woman with a destiny that involves dinosaurs. Discovering them again, taming them, and one day writing a major motion picture that involves them somehow. Since it's never been done before, I'm working on copywriting a name.. so far, I'm thinking, Sarah Bertrand Park. Or, The Jurassic Adventures of Sarah Bertrand. In A Park.
Anyhow, the reason I'm writing you this letter is to bring your attention to an issue that has been plaguing me for countless, sleepless hours. Last night I decided to combat the monotony of my life, I was going to venture to the Royal Ontario Museum for a magical and educational experience. I was shocked, dismayed, disgusted, appalled, and heartbroken at what a lunchbag letdown the experience truly was. I left feeling dejected, melancholy, embarrassed, bamboozled, and defeated, for the Royal Ontario Museum's sub par renovations did not justify the inflated prices.
My acquaintance Nadia Umadat and I had a query regarding the current status on the Royal Ontario Museum's Planetarium, and we asked staff at The Royal Ontario Museum and we were laughed at, and I truly feel in the cockles of my heart that we were mocked. We were also told The Planetarium was to be destroyed in the near future because the Royal Ontario Museum could not keep up with the Science Center, so needless to say as a result of that newfound information I was left feeling bewildered, discombobulated, distressed, and flustered. I sobbed for hours until I came to the conclusion that this was completely unacceptable, and as a patron to the Royal Ontario Museum for years, I would appreciate if this situation is immediately rectified. I would expect nothing less than a written apology from the esteemed Board of Directors, and compensation for my $11 ticket I purchased last night. If the Royal Ontario Museum has a time machine housed in the basement I'd also appreciate if you could give me back the time I frittered away last night that could have been spent doing other more productive things. Like scavenging for dinosaur remnants, sorting through old stamps, finding new concoctions to use in my sandwich maker, pairing lonely socks, and throwing out expired yogurt. I am sure this letter will be received and treated with all the legitimacy and genuine concern of a lady with big dreams and a broken heart.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to a response.
Sarah "The Dinosaur Whisperer" Bertrand
***REPLY: November 20/2008***
From: "General Inquiries" To: firstname.lastname@example.org "Visit to the ROM"; "email@example.com"
Good day Sarah,
Please be advised that we have received your correspondence and we will be sending your $11 refund to the home address at: You should receive this next week.
***UPDATE: Received a cheque for $11.00 in the mail***