Saturday, January 3, 2009

My letter to Belvedere Vodka

Dear Belvedere Vodka,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 25 year old nursing student that thinks you are delicious. You, and your entire operation.

Last night you made me feel like the cat's meow. You are dangerous though, Belvedere Vodka. You are a tricky monkey. You are one high class, exquisitely constructed beverage, and you made me feel like I was consuming water all night long.You are not water, Belvedere Vodka. Water does not make me feel like this the next morning.

This letter is not to reprimand though; my intention is only to praise, and give you the offer of a lifetime.

I would love to promote your brand of magic in my every day life. I'm your average Joe, representing an important demographic for your company to please: the "drunken girl who doesn't respect herself all that much and lives modestly" demographic. I believe your consumers will appreciate what you've set out to accomplish in your noble mission to make everyone feel equally important.

I will send you a series of headshots for you to choose from, as well as my contact information. Thank you, Belvedere Vodka. I don't feel confidant in saying I'm entirely sober right now, so I will leave you with something I am confidant in saying: Last night, you were responsible for me being on my A game. I truly felt I was fabulous, charming, and really really hilarious. In reality I was probably being disgusting and obnoxious and I should be ashamed of myself, but for those few hours that I was slamming back your delicious nectar, I was the King. And you, you Belvedere Vodka; you were my royal steed. That means horse.

I look forward to hearing from you immediately.

Sarah Bertrand