Saturday, January 17, 2009

My letter to Sea Well Optical

Dear Sea Well Optical,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 25 year old monacle polisher that enjoys aquafit aerobics, unimpeded vision, and fancy pantyhose. You know, with designs.

I recently was visiting a mall in Markham, and came across your store, "Sea Well Optical". Needless to say, I was confused, anxious, and sullen when all I wanted was to find a vision treatment centre to discover a new pair of trendy yet affordable frames.

The name, "sea well", is a baffling conundrum that I found to be more than misleading. I briefly felt on top of the world that I had found a foreign treasure unlike any other, until I walked into your store of lies and disappointment. Due to your very specific and misleading name, I expected to enter your emporium and be warmly greeted by illiterate dolphins, or learning delayed crustaceans at the entrance. This did not occur, Sea Well Optical. In addition, the obvious mispelling of the word "see" caused an unfortunate series of events that ended with myself lost at sea off the coast of North Korea, not to mention the fact that my vision remains blurred and I believe tampered with, since I was fooled into traveling instead of purchasing my aforementioned spectacles. This all consequently lead to a plethora of unfortunate events where anyone with any logic would question my morals and sense of self worth, but I can confidantly attribute every scandalous and unspeakable act to a bad judgement call as a result of Sea Well turmoil. I am not responsible for anything, and you are.

The retribution I seek, Sea Well Optical, is immediately fixing your signage, as well as sending a written apology to me, Sarah Bertrand, for all the pain and unnecessary stress I have had to endure as a result of your neglect. I'd like some sea shells to entangle in my luscious locks as a decorative statement of my stature in society, ooh, and also like, ten bucks.

UNTIL NEXT TIME, Sea Well Optical..

Sarah Bertrand

1 comment:

courtney said...

dear ms bertrand,

what you are unaware of is the fact that sea well optical operates primarily as a supplier for state-of-the-art scuba diving vision equipment. what you consider shoddy branding is truly ingenious. please attempt to keep that in mind prior to going berserk over our name.

oh, and we dont have shells for your hair... we do have some brassiere seashells, comparable to ariel in the epic tale of The Little Mermaid.