Sunday, January 11, 2009

Ny letter to PETA

Dear PETA,

My name is Sarah Bertrand and I am a 25 year old animal enthusiast, who enjoys whole wheat, rescuing injured hamsters, and creating awareness. In general.

I work at a popular radio station in Toronto, and I came across your story today and decided it was far too compelling to let pass without proper attention.

You, PETA, have decided that the carnivores of the world don't feel bad enough about their blood thirsty needs, and they need to be further penalized by playing Webster's rabid minion and completely changing the name of a creature to fit your agenda.

I'm trying to put myself in your mindset and understand your train of thought. So, you don't want people to eat fish. So, how do you make fish more appealling... wait. People love kittens. They're furry and cute. No one wants to eat kittens. If people thought of seafood as furry and cute, they wouldn't eat it! And PETA would reign supreme! So, let's launch a nationwide campaign to rename fish: "Sea kitten"??? Are you serious? Do you really think that will fly, anywhere?

PETA, I respect your quest for animal equality immensely. Why, I have two hamsters at home that are missing eyes and ears, and I love them tremendously. But where do we draw the line?? Where do we get protein? Fish like to be eaten. It's their destiny. They understand that they're delicious, and don't blame us weak willed humans for consuming them with tartar sauce or perhaps a malt vinegar.

As for those poor residents of Montana that are being asked to change their name from Whitefish High School to Sea Kitten High School.. well, after being rendered speechless momentarily, I have collected my thoughts would like to express them through the means of interpretive dance.

I believe I have made my point, counteracting sheer ridiculousness with immature sarcasm. I understand that at this point you're probably not a huge fan of me... but what if I was a bunny? Everyone likes bunnies. They're cute and hoppy and they bring chocolate eggs.

Sarah "Land Bunny" Bertrand.

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