Saturday, January 31, 2009

My letter to Mighty Putty

Dear Mighty Putty,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 25 year old semi professional cage fighter who enjoys treasure, tiny ceramic flowers, and wildlife. More specifically, hedgehogs. Your product looks absolutely "sensational" (that is not a word I throw around lightly), and Billy Mays is certainly a handsome man. But that is neither here nor there.

Your Mighty Putty boasts of being able to support 350 pounds, and be able to handle just about any repair that needs to be made; even with automobiles!! This, Mighty Putty, is the news Phil Schmeckle and I have been waiting for.

You see, Billy Mays, about a year ago I took in an injured hedgehog I named Phil Schmeckle, who was missing a leg. He was involved in an "incident" I vowed I would never speak of (he's sensitive), so I will disclose that he's been very self conscious, and obviously inconvenienced by his missing appendage. I just don't make enough money to be able to afford such a tiny leg for him, nor do I have the means to construct one. Too bad they don't grow on trees! Actually, that would be one terrifying tree. If you see a leg tree, you should probably notify the authorities. Unless they're tiny! Then save one for me!

Where I'm going with this is that I'm going to need those two tubes plus four additional tubes of Mighty Putty for $19.99 plus $8.95 shipping and handling, in order to construct Phil Schmeckle a brand new, fully functioning leg. "Cut, activate, and repair!" I was wondering if you ship faster than the 3-4 weeks you have allotted for arrival? You can see the predicament I'm in, and Phil Schmeckle is so excited he can barely "stand" it! I've even told him maybe he'll be as fast as that cartoon version of himself, on that Sega Genesis video game! The blue one that's really fast?? Super Mario!

"Any job big or small, Mighty Putty repairs them all!!"

Phil Schmeckle and I look forward to this slogan definately and immediately coming true!! Thank you Mighty Putty. Or should I call you Jesus Putty?

Sarah Bertrand


gothictripper said...

Dear Sarah Bertrand,

I would like to share with you that I have, indeed, purchased this incredible product. It came with two tubes, which I have been able to use everywhere I could think of. I have used it to plaster my walls, it was easier then buying real plaster, making a mug out of it (it was non-toxic right? Plus, when I drop onto it accidentally it doesn't break since I am only 300 pounds- and not yet 350!), and I have, in fact, fixed a tree with it (the lightning got to the top branch). If you have not yet received your shipment I will be more then willing to drive to you and your hedgehog in order to help poor Phil Schmeckle out. Please let me know if you are interested and I will be on my way in my Mighty Putty car!
Yours Truly,
Carley Rogers
P.S. I do believe it is called Jesus Putty in some countries.

Sarah B said...

Dear Gothictripper,
I will not diminish the hilarity and epicness of your post by attempting to mask your wit. i will only say, i tip my hat to you, and i will go and grab my mighty putty cloak and wait for you to pick me up outside my mighty putty hut and drive me into convenience. mighty putty convenience.