My letter to Proctor and Gamble, makers of Swiffer

Dear Proctor and Gamble,
My name is Sarah Bertrand, and I am a 25 year old fortune cookie writer that's had enough.
Your commercials for the Swiffer Sweeper Vac are are reminiscent of poisonous worms that have burrowed their way into my subsconscious, to the point where I have Hall and Oates, "Baby Come Back" screaming in my head for the duration of the day afterwards.
I don't want to even get started on Swiffer Wet Jets. If you were trying to create a product that effectively cleaned and functioned properly, well then I hope this is just your prototype. The only thing Swiffer products do well, is moisten the dirt and change it's location awkwardly around my kitchen.
Proctor and Gamble, I demand retribution. I'd like the $29.99 plus applicable taxes for the abortive Swiffer Wet Jet that I erroneously purchased, and I would appreciate if a massive warning was plastered on the package of all of your Swiffer products from now on, stating that unless you have an unrealistic floor, with absolutely no blemishes, and concocted of magic, then the Swiffer series will prove to be futile.
I thank you for your time, and look forward to my retribution, as well as this imparative change, to be implemented immediately.
Sincerely,
Sarah Bertrand

***RESPONSE December 14, 2008***
Thank you for contacting P&G. [ ref:00D7JViV.50077XFpU:ref

]Sunday, December 14, 2008 2:49 PM
From: ""P&G North America" ilnj.custhelp.com>
Add sender to Contacts To: "sarahbertrand13@yahoo.com" >
Hi Sarah,
Thank you for sharing your disappointment with our Swiffer products including our Wet Jet. Our goal is to produce high quality products that consistently delight our consumers and I'm sorry this wasn't your experience. Please be assured I'm sharing your comments with the rest of our team.
Since your satisfaction means a great deal to us, I'm following up with you by postal mail. You should receive my letter within the next 2-3 weeks. Also, your check for 30.00 will arrive in a separate mailing. I'm sorry but we don't reimburse for tax.
Thanks again for writing.
Pat
P&G Team
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***UPDATE: Received a cheque for $30.00 in the mail!***