Sunday, September 30, 2012

iPhone 29.

Dear Apple,

My name is Sarah Bertrand, and boy, do I have an invention for you. Please heed my suggestion, because I would love to partner with you, and hopefully really put you on the map.

Introducing... The iPhone 65! I know that your admirable goal is to provide us with something faster and more sleek, and you certainly deliver. Each phone that you birth is more superior than the last. I assume that the next iPhone will undoubtedly be a cheetah somehow wired with wi-fi. 

Now, I will admit; I have never possessed an iPhone. They actually cost more than my rent. Also, if I ever dropped it, I'd over dramatically spiral into a severe depression over any blemishes it acquired.

Introducing... The iPhone 65! It is so slow, and responsible. It will appeal to a mature crowd, who are frightened by the space age witchcraft that is associated with your brand. It will be the size of Harlequin paperback, and have a secret pocket in the back for tissues and coupons. The buttons will protrude unreasonably far from the gizmo, to simplify the process of text messaging or telephone dialing for those who suffer with bad vision, or arthritis. This will also benefit people who possess fat, punchy sausage fingers like myself. It will have no internet.

Please let me know if you'd like to partner on this. I think we could really get your mom and pop operation on the map.

Sarah Bertrand

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