- Answering the phone, “Bertrand residence”, no matter where you are; especially if you’re at work
- Making situations intentionally awkward
- Making scary faces at children when their parents aren’t looking
- Crank calling the Home Shopping Network
- Repeatedly calling my brother and hanging up on him
- Lying about insignificant things to shock people
- Posing my cats with my action figures and robots, and taking pictures of them
- Exaggerating
- The Office
- Pretty much all customer complaints, and feedback
- Negative old people
- Kids forced to wear leashes
- Huge kids in strollers
- Women who enter reality tv dating shows and get upset at not being taken seriously
- Secret shoppers
- Kristen Wiig
- Twilight
- Infomercials
- Cheating at board or card games
- White people dancing at weddings
- Drunk mall Santas
- Saturday Night Live
- My Grandma, submitting to whatever ridiculous act my brother and I ask her to perform
- Housecoats
- My mother, harassing telemarketers when they call her
- Anything and everything my brother does
- When kittens and puppies are angry
- My Grandma’s obsession with Hawaii 5.0
- My Grandma calling all her friends by their entire names, ie. I had lunch today with Irene Burby, and we met up with Pat Piddell.
- When my Mom laughs so hard she cries
- Sexting
- Kids with rat tails
- Ferns
- Haikus and limericks
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